Made it to Holland!

It has been quite awhile since we have posted on here, but I thought that it might be time for an update.

A lot of times, during our adoption journey, we heard about the magical six months.  Many families see dramatic changes happening in their kids around that time after an adoption.  Our six month time wasn't so magical, but we still got the magic a year later than that.

I would like to say our journey has been easy and everything I dreamed it would be.  For those of you who have read the "Welcome to Holland" adoption piece, I can absolutely relate to that.  I had my "Italy" all set in my mind, and I had big dreams for my girls before we adopted them.  And what I have found is that I needed time these past 18 months to mourn the loss of the dreams and then get back up and make new big dreams. 

We struggled early on.  I didn't attach to Katie very easily, and I dealt with a lot of guilt and anger over that.  Surely, since I had waited for these sweet little girls for so long, I would instantly fall in love and feel connected with them, right?  It wasn't like that, but over time, we found that connection, and it is truly wonderful.  In fact, I was thinking about that this morning when she crawled into bed with me and snuggled next to me for some "Mami time."  I played with her hair, entranced by her beauty, and talked with her.  When it was time to get up and get ready, I didn't want to leave her side.  I wish I could have played that scene for myself this time last year when I struggled with the hopeless feelings of wondering if I would ever find a way to attach with my own child.

This time last year, Rosa would not leave my side and made me hold her constantly.  In fact, she often still does want to be held.  However, this little girl who couldn't be in another room from me is now happily begging to go outside on the deck or giggling as she moves mischievously to the edge of my field of vision at a play place.  Today, as she visited her preschool for visitation day, she ran off, after she made me hold her for a few anxious minutes, to play with the other children.  Yes, she glanced back quite a bit to make sure I was still there, but she felt completely comfortable discovering all of the new toys without needing me by her side.

Last week, we visited Katie's psychologist.  She was very honest with us and told us that this time last year, she wasn't sure what she could really say or do to help us because Katie was in such a bad spot, but now, she feels like she absolutely can help us. 

They are both talking like crazy.  Language is starting to spew out of them in every direction.  Everytime I get frustrated with the same phrase being said over and over, I keep thinking about how, a year ago, I would have given anything to hear them talk. 

So change is happening.  We keep heading in a positive direction.  Our girls grow happier and gigglier by the day.  One of my favorite moments recently was when they both were begging to go outside.  Rosa grabbed my leg and gave me her sweet little look of expectation as she yelled, "Outside???"  How could I turn them down?  I agreed, and they both responded with yells of delight as they ran for the door to the deck to play.  I wish I had that moment on tape.

There are realities we have to deal with: 

Katie has been diagnosed with an attachment disorder that stems from her past and will probably always be a struggle for her.  She has been rated at a 2 year old developmental level (she is 4 now)which brings its challenges when trying to get her the right placement in preschool.  She struggles with social skills and language delays that keep other kids from wanting to play with her, and this breaks my heart the most.  I know that this will improve, but I am so impatient with this because I hate seeing kids be mean to her and shun her because she interacts with them inappropriately.  It also frustrates me that everyone expects her to act like a 4 year old when she is really a 2 year old trapped in a 4 year old body.

All these things are realities but this Mami is a fighting Mami, and I'm not going to give up.  Whatever it takes - I will get the best for my girls.  I am going to give them the best of me that I can give them.  And by golly, they are going to be blanketed in prayer all the time.  I just have to trust that God is going to take care of them, and He is going to guide us in what we need to do to best help them live their lives to the fullest. 

Positive change is happening.  We are growing as a family and blossoming.  And I thank God everyday for choosing these beautiful little souls to be our children.