Reflections

For those of you who have been following us since we got the girls, you are familiar with the sleeping and sensory struggles we have had with Katie.

To be honest, at first, we struggled a LOT with understanding Katie's sensory needs.  When we met her in Colombia, she was really rough, especially with her sister.  This would often include taking her sister down by the hair, tackling her, almost drowning her in the tub, and taking hours to go to sleep at night.  Our adoption courses had talked about Sensory Processing Disorder, but I don't think it is something we could really comprehend fully until we saw it in action. 

When we got home, we had her evaluated and immediately got her into Early Intervention, and an OT diagnosed her with SPD.  Of course, I immediately began to read all the books on the subject and learned the lingo and therapeutic techniques.  I took thorough notes when the therapists visited so that I could have a record of all the things I should try.  We learned about the sensory diet (not food-related), therapeutic listening, weighted blankets, chew tubes, and so much more.  I was determined to help Katie beat this thing and have the chance at a "normal" life. 

Yet, I ran myself into the ground physically and emotionally trying to do all of these things for Katie while still trying to meet the needs of little Rosa.  6 months passed, and while Katie indeed improved in so many ways, it was hard for me to see because I still saw her struggling so much with her sensory needs.  I hadn't yet accepted her fate because I wanted more for her.

When she turned three, she lost her Early Invervention services, and she had about a month break before she started her services with DART.  That month was so needed.  We took a step back with her therapy and let her focus on being a kid for awhile.  I also got to focus on being a mommy and not a therapist for awhile.  It was then I began to see her progress with her language.  Although she is still far behind, for having such a rough start in life, she is doing great.  She was beginning to ask for what she wanted.  She didn't grunt or cry for things (unless she threw her average three year toddler tantrum!).  She was starting to identify nouns and actions around her.  She was also developing quite the adorable personality.  Katie, as rough as she is, loves to help around the house and is very into taking care of her sister.  It is heart-warming to see her run over to give her sister a kiss or make sure Rosa gets something she just got.  She also loves to help Mommy cook in the kitchen! 

In September, Katie started in a preschool that works well with kids who have special needs.  We had originally enrolled her in a non-special ed preschool, but we can't thank God enough for stearing us in the direction of this school.  She has had an amazing staff that understands her needs and works tirelessly to help her.  She also gets to take care of all of her therapy sessions there and not at home.  When she doesn't sleep through the night (which happens more often than not), they know exactly what to do to help her still have a successful day.  When she is hitting other kids to get sensory input, we talk as a team about how to address it.  They don't come at it from a perspective that she is a malicious little girl.  They are coming from the perspective that her body needs to hit something, but it can't be kids.  So instead of giving us a warning that Katie will be kicked out, like what might happen in another preschool, we work together to constructively help Katie meet her needs but keep the other kids safe.

Soon after, Katie started with The Children's Institute.  She gets additional OT services there.  Her therapist has been wonderful working with her.  She has had so many great suggestions, and Katie really seems to like her.

So now, here we are, ten months after we first welcomed Katie into our lives.  Do we regret it?  ABSOLUTELY NOT.  I know that God chose Katie and Rosa for us, and He chose us for Katie and Rosa.  God doesn't make mistakes.  He has entrusted these beautiful little girls into our care, and no matter how the world sees them, we will look at our girls with nothing but love.  Will Katie continue to struggle with her sensory needs?  Yes.  This isn't something that POOF!-goes away.  I get that now.  But we will continue to help her learn coping strategies so that she can function and have the best life possible and the best possible future.  Most of all, we will continue to love her with everything in us and most of all - teach her about someone who can love her even more - God.

I am growing in my role as a parent of children with special needs.  I find myself more patient these days, wiser in how I handle situations, and enjoying my role as a Mommy so much more.  Is it easy?  No.  There are days full of tears and frustration.  There are nights of no sleep on a regular basis.  Questions still go unanswered - what is causing Katie to do these strange behaviors and sounds in the middle of the night for hours on end?  Does diet affect her behavior?  Which doctor is the best one to see for this?  What will Katie's future in school be like?  And so on...

But that being said - it is worth it?  YES a million times over.  When I look into my little Katie's face, I am filled with overwhelming love.  I am filled with a need to make up for those years she struggled and didn't have what she needed.  She deserves a family that will love her no matter what - who will struggle for her so she doesn't have to - who will fight for her when she can't fight herself.  She deserves a chance at the best life can offer.   I am humbled that God has chosen us to be that family for her.

We don't know what the future holds for our little girl.  We just know the here and now and plan to take it one day at a time and fill each of those days with kisses, hugs, and love for both of our little girls.