The Pains of Waiting

12-09-07

We have now been in the paperwork process since September of 2007, and we are already feeling the pains of waiting for our children. Everywhere around me, people are having children. I went to three baby showers during the past three months alone, and although I am thrilled for these families, I want nothing more than to be them. I want to hold them in my arms and kiss and hug them and tell them over and over that I love them.

It truly hit me when we visited our Godson in the hospital just an hour after his birth. He is this amazing baby with so much life and so much joy surrounding him. His grandparents were there, we were there, and friends soon followed. He was constantly being held and showered with love. It made me cry to think of our children. They may experience pain and hurt from day one of their lives. My cousin told me about how she and her husband tried really hard during the pregnancy to stay calm, and our babies may experience only stress. I'm not saying their mother will be a bad mother. In fact, she may want to be an amazing mother and may love those children, but still be stressed with the agony of being pregnant in a terrible situation. She may be stressed with the idea that she must give up her children to give them a better life than she can give them. I don't know what they will be going through during that time, but I do know that I will do everything in my power to make up for the stress and the lack of loving attention they did not get during those first months of life.

Lately, I've been crying more though about not being a mom yet. It hurts to see mothers with their adorable babies. It hurts to see women that are pregnant. I'm not unhappy for them at all, but I want what they have, and I have to wait for so long. It just doesn't feel fair sometimes. But I'm going to have to rely on God's timing and just know He has our best interests in mind. He knows the best timing for us to be parents, and He knows who our children will be. Everything will be perfect for us, and I keep relying on that idea.